Is it truly Simple?

Its actually so simple - says everyone who momentarily thinks they have figured life. No doubt I've been that person like ten different times, considering I'm only twenty two. But every single time i thought i figured life, all i was truly figuring out was myself. Not in the sense of understanding who i am, but in the sense of what made me stand in the very spot i was in every single time out of those ten. At ten, life was difficult because i was in a city i knew nothing about, a city that made me hate everything good in my life, like my father's work which brought me there and my baby brother, the one i wished god i could have. I can guarantee the second hatred was deep affection in disguise, but I doubt the first one could ever become anything else. I hated the new uniform, the classmates, and the place. It all seemed dark and depressing when I didn't even know such a word existed. 

Its actually so simple - said I when I realised there was no point in trying to be part of preformed groups between kids who were not mature enough to understand that isolating someone may affect their mental health for life. What I figured? Well, if it's all an act, I wasn't ready to be their clown. I accepted isolation like my long-lost best friend. At one point, I came to believe I was better off alone than with people who were self-centred and arrogant. I mean, I was happy in my world of books, diving into stories I was never a part of but felt like I was the sidekick everyone could rely on, or the main character that attracts trouble wherever they go. I found a world I never would have found if it weren't for the kids in my school who chose not to accept me. I cannot imagine myself being one of them, even if they were accepting of me. I think I always knew I wouldn't fit in, not because they were less or I was introverted, but because I was always the odd one, the different one, the one that never found someone who was the same as I, like jigsaw pieces. 

There was another such kid too, but she found a bestie, and god bless them, they are both still together. It makes me happy today to see so many of those classmates of mine have grown into amazing individuals, i feel proud of having known them for eight whole years, some for ten. But it wasn't simple. For a twelve-year-old, it is definitely not simple to gulp down the fact that they are unwanted.

Its actually so simple - said the girl who found the love of her life, only to realise it was the heartbreak she would barely survive. Loving came as naturally to me as breathing the moment I felt a connection with this stranger that didn't seem so strange after all. He was humble, sweet, respectful, and kind. At least my heart tried its best to believe that until the very end, when the only option left with me was to resent him for everything he did. I thought I was ready to go against my whole world for this one person; I never thought loving so much, so genuinely, could become the worst disaster in the already drought-stricken land of my life. But it was simple, to give someone your all, to be devoted to one person, to not consider options, or even look at other guys because I had faith in my heart that he was the one and no options could come close to what is meant for you, you simply never think it, or even consider it. So the only simple thing was how genuine love does not seek options, it seeks reasons to stay. 

Its actually so simple - said I when i thought this heartbreak will never compare to the hardships my life already has to offer to me but I was wrong because no matter the variety of damages you are victim to, each one impacts you just as hard. He became my standard for trust issues, i compared every single person to him, for a long long time. I could not trust anyone. Every single time I felt like I wanted to trust, I wanted to love, my heart just kept saying it doesn't have that sort of strength anymore. But despite how difficult it was, we closed that chapter, I closed that book and its done and dusted. 

Spoiler Alert : You WILL be able to Love Again. 

Its actually so simple - said I when I published my first book, a dream I had since that little twelve-year-old read her first novel in her school library. I wasn't much of a story person, but I did end the book with a short story, something I wrote to heal, something I wrote to reach out to all the girls out there who I know have felt the same way I did at some point in their lives. But it wasn't simple, because once you take that step, publishing houses help you initially, but then for every step forward, they ask you for more money, which I obviously could not afford as a nineteen-ear-old who had yet to figure out what she wanted to do in life. A writer at heart, a science student by report card... I knew the choice was more of a decision. One nobody will like. I chose to study science, but not to become a doctor like everybody insisted. I was curious about the subject, i wanted to become a scientist. I bet my favorite movie was Mission Mangal and i did dream of going to ISRO and working for the nation. But then I realized im bad at both math and physics, they are just not my cup of tea, and a biologist is not exactly needed to send satellites and rockets into space. I registered for a Biochemistry course away from home. I can still vivdly remember all the members of my family, even my extended family telling me how I made the wrong choice and am wasting my potential by not choosing the medical degree. 

Its actually so simple - I thought I would bring a whole new personality to college, I would no more be the isolated, awkward, alone one in the class. I would be the talk of the class, or atleast someone who impacts everyone around them and leaves lasting effects. I did not want to be the invisible side character anymore. i wanted to be the main character, and I think I was. Maybe not for the right reasons, maybe for some really controversial ones. But I still call it an achievement because in those three years I made a friend for life and realized how far people can go to ruin your happiness, your peace, your time, your energy. It was not simple at all, but i wouldn't be the person I am today if it was. I read somewhere recently "a big part of who I am is who I am not anymore." and that hit home for so many reasons because this was also when i finally got rid of my insecurities, i finally raised my voice for the things i felt were right and wrong, when i finally lived life the way i wanted to live it. 

When I found the TRUE love of my life.