I found Her

I do not pay attention to myself a lot, atleast not in the small things, the gestures, the likes and dislikes the way that i focus on my emotions and how i feel about things. But when i do pay attention to myself, my actions, i know one thing for sure. I may not have met my soulmate in every lifetime I've ever lived. I may not have met my soulmate even in this one. But if I'm half of a soul, if I'm half of something, i know i met myself in every single life time. Atleast i know i find myself every single day in this life time. Not in the sense that i find parts of myself that i once considered broken, no. In the sense that, i can see what my soul must be like, i am very aware of what i am beyond the passions, the dreams, the doubts, the identity, the fears, all of it. I can see what my soul is like, in the things i do that dont take thought, the things that just happen even when im absent mindedly letting the day pass by. I meet her, i see her and the best part is, i like her. I like the soul i am and that is to say A LOT because I've spent years hating the body that carries it. It took me a long time to love the flaws but what makes me happy is, i never for once hated the soul beneath them. I never for once doubted the soul. I had this deeply rooted belief that, if and when i lose all my sense, she will find me. She will find me and bring me back. Not because she's done it for all the lifetimes before this one, but because even when i wasnt actively thinking of her, she was actively thinking for me. She kept showing me time and time again that it was okay. That it will all be okay. She has seen me give into the evil in me as much as she has seen me rise towards the angel. I do not need to glorify any side of my life nor i consider myself unworthy. I am sane and healed and the people around me that love me continuously and choose me every single day have made sure of that. But the one that deserves the biggest applause had been her all along. 

I know, you might say, she didn't have a choice. But no, she did. She had the choice. I know she did. And i know she deliberately chose me, because she has always unconditionally loved me.