A letter to the Over-Feelers

"Please God, Please! I don't want these feelings. I don't want this pain. I don't want to be this overly sensitive, emotional fool for people who I will never mean anything to." 

If you have felt this, I send you a tight virtual hug, because same. I know what it's like. I know how bad it is when you're sitting on the floor, and that just happens I guess. You just, fall on the floor at one point. Pull your knees upto your chest, drop your head on your arms and just cry and cry and beg God to just let your heart breathe without all this pain and all these emotions threatening to burst it open and kill you. At some point even death starts seeming better than having to feel. 

It sucks how the best thing about you makes you insecure and scared and worthless. "Best? More like worst!", you'd say if you're still there. Somewhere between breaking down on the floor and screaming into your pillow while your bed is a mess. 

If I were there right now, I would want someone to tell me what I'm gonna write right now. So if you're not that person, if you're someone who knows a person like that, someone who feels a lot, please go say this to them no matter what stage of life they're in, because they deserve it. I know I did. So do you. 

Hey,

I know this sucks right now. I know how messed up you must be feeling because of everything that's been going on lately. I know being the nicest person you are, somewhere deep down you have turned all the blame to yourself - to the kindness that lights up your smile, to the hopeful twinkle of your eyes, to the magical energy you bring to the table every second of your presence - I know you blame it all right now, because you think that's what caused you all this pain. Maybe you even wish you couldn't feel so much so that you wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe you wish you never expressed your heart out like an artist making their final masterpiece for someone who didn't even deserve a rough sketch of what you're capable of. I get it. But I just really need you to know one thing. 

(just my way of sending furry virtual hugs)

Thank you. For feeling. For feeling so much it fills your whole heart. And though it seems like you can't take it anymore, once these feelings burst out, you'll just be opening up a new space in your heart, a cleaner, healthier space. One that will protect your own self with the same intensity that it did for others. Its very important for that to happen. But if you choose to just shut it all out, shut your light, I will lose the brightest star from my sky. Because you're the kind of person who stays even when nobody expects you to. You're the kind of person who knows how to give out love like its the easiest damn thing to do and trust me, that's rare. I mean, all of us find people who we would do that for. But you, you have a heart that cries for a grieving stranger and feels their pain like its own. You have a soul that smiles the hardest in someone else's joy with no signs of envy or jealousy. You have the eyes that look for the ones who are trying to disappear, you make sure they know they're important when they are doubting their worth. 

So it may seem like you have lost your light right now. But my dear human, you ARE the light. The light this world needs badly. You think you're a fool for feeling so much but you're the realest thing that has happened to me. Your emotions and expressiveness makes you the strongest because the moment you let them out, you choose to live a life relieved from the regret of keeping words unsaid. I have seen people die with regrets you will never have just because you chose to let it out. To feel. In the world we live in right now, I think all of us are so focused on hiding what we truly feel that we ourselves lose sight of what's supposed to be felt and lived. 

You are the north star for people like us. The one that knows what feelings are like and who can bring us back home. The one who can help us find our own hearts, our inner voices we lost touch with long ago. Your breaking was only the awakening of a stronger version of you, which I know you never asked to be, but on the other end of the river you'll see, it was all worth it. 

Your emotions were never the problem. All along you thought you were the weed, you were the true breed meant to save the field. You are very much needed in this world, in the lives of those who truly know your worth. And for those who fail, let them be, for they chose the life of regret you'll never have to live. Why? Because you chose to accept your own heart every single time and live with it. 

Take care all the Over-Feelers of the world! Thank you very much for making the world a better place every single day even if no one stopped to notice! Because Bougainville never asked to be noticed, it just kept adding beauty to the world regardless of if the world ever realized its worth. Realize your worth and stay, stay the way you are. Don't expect the people who are lost themselves to find you. You're the north star, remember? They'll find their own selves when they cross you!